WHAT NEXT? IT’S 1.3 MILLION NAIRA!
Nigerians, undoubtedly, like “owanbe” festivities. According to The Nation newspaper of Saturday, 20th August, 2016, the economic downturn of the country has not deterred Nigerians from organizing extravagant weddings, funerals, birthdays, hen and cock night parties, baby showers, etc. Usually, the reason for having an excessive ceremony is for the organizers to become the talk of the town for months after the event but really, the exceptionality of an event ends after going to the toilet.
The relevance of the habitual spendings of Nigerians on ceremonies cannot but be seen in the anticipated What Next programme of the class of 2016 of Faculty of Law, University of Ibadan. Expansively, the What Next programme is one organized for final year students of the faculty where they are draped in a colourful sash and are honoured to meet with lecturers and guests who talk on the turns the finalists‟ lives will or may take after graduating, eat, drink, take pictures/selfies, mingle and tingle, go home and that is all. According to reports, this year’s What Next, a planned week-long event, has been estimated to cost about 1.3 million naira as each finalist – about 132 of them – would pay between #10,000 and #15,000; and of course, it is in this depressing economy!
Reports further revealed that the main committee of the event, comprising of selected finalists themselves, are membered by some who are personally involved in making the event a success. For instance, it was gathered that there is a member whose mum would provide the food just like she did during the exquisite last law dinner. There is also another member who is said to be an excellent baker whose cake would grace the occasion. Not only that, the official bird catcher of the day would be an artistic photographer in the class who is also in the committee. While the nepotistic undertone of some of the membership screams aloud, its effects ought to be beneficial. Since the committee comprises some members who will be supplying one individual advantage or the other, one would naturally expect the amount estimated to not be to that extent. One would imagine a humanitarian service to their classmates.
In all fairness, it is not known whether the amount would be higher if the whole organizing is contracted out, but the fact remains everyone is wallowing in the extremity of this “Buharic” economy and the idea of an “owanbe” What Next is imprudent. The prices of things have glaringly doubled but the earnings of people have not. So, there is no commensurate power to meet up.
Though a fun-filled What Next is commendable, a distressed situation calls for distressed measures. A lesser amount than that proposed will definitely not give the finalists a What Next of their dream but it will give them a What Next that is done once and for all without imposing on anybody and without incurring any debt.
According to William Shenstone, an English poet, a miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by seeming rich. A word is enough for the wise.
Shalom!
CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE BEAN AND THE UNDER-BEAN
The scene is the field of the new bean the Silo of Regulation. The grains have been complaining of the six times a week imposed on them to be watered in the farm instead of the normal four times. The under-bean, who plans the season, is summoned to the bean’s field. The under-bean, conveniently called UB, is newer and allows no weevil at all. Thus, ensues the conversation between them:
Bean: I know you are busy entertaining complaints from the grains about their last phase’s results, so, I will be brief.
UB: Okay boss.
Bean: I was on the finishing farm today and the grains were lamenting that you have increased their watering times from 4 to 6. Why is that?
UB: Yes boss, I did. Because, you see, when I assumed this position some few weeks ago, I noticed that the grains in the finishing farm were not germinating well because watering them 4 times a week was not enough, so, I increased it to 6 times. It’s for their benefits boss.
Bean: I see. Well, your intention is okay but you see, according to the Council of Principle Germination (CPG), watering must not be more than 4 times a week. Anything else is overzealousness. In fact, in the Silo where I was before coming here, watering is done only four times a week for every grain and that is the way it will always be here too, henceforth. So, change the season again though I am aware that you have changed the season 3 times already and termed the current one final, final, final season. Let this one reflecting the new order be termed final, final, final and final season. You understand? That’s all.
UB: Yes sir. Thank you, boss.
(The Under-Bean bows out)
(The season is changed and the finishing farm’s grains are elated).
Three months later.
A week to the beginning of a new phase, the Under-Bean is seen in its office planning the new phase’s season.
Excerpts:
UB: *Soliloquizing. I know the boss said the finishing farm’s grains should only be watered 4 times a week instead of the 6 times that I put there before, but I’m sure the boss would have forgotten about it. So, I’m putting 6 times a week there again. I really want these finishing farm’s grains to know that I tolerate no weevil at all from anybody. I won’t end up like the immediate past UB. It was too indulgent. See where they ended it up. The grains can lament if they like. The satisfaction is really putting the 6 times there so they will know who the real boss is.
(Attempts to call the Silo Keeper but pauses and continues soliloquizing).
But, I should be ingenuous this time around so the boss won’t call me again. Only some selected waterings would be 6 times. I don’t like their waterers anyway nor do I like their grains. Let me give them more work. Ehn, I will make some waterings 2 times. Their waterers are my friends. We talk about our seeds together. To show these finishing farm’s grains more pepper, I will make some general waterings clash with their selective waterings. Confuse them very well. They don’t know anything, I will show them.
(Puts final touches to the season and buzzes the Silo Keeper,)
Silo Keeper: You called, UB.
UB: Yes, I did. This is the new phase’s season. I’ve stamped it; no correction needs to be made. Paste it on the Silo’s board immediately.
Silo Keeper: Will do it now.
*The Silo Keeper goes out and the Under Bean snickers on.
(The End).
Estudiante
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