Blessing Opeyemi
Being a highly revered politrickian in a country like Nigeria comes with a lot of goodies. From your purse growing from coveted national funds to fierce immunity granted by the federal government, a better life is secured. However, getting to this seat of doomination is not a day’s job and I’m here to give you first-hand hacks on how to fast track your dream of being a politrickian by showing you the way to scheme your ideas in the face of students first.
Being a student politrickian comes with a lot of worries and work. In an environment like the University of Ibadan where everyone is trying to be the next best thing after UCJUI, you need to have your guards up and be pretty smart. Yes. Smartness does it. You need to understand that your dreams are different from theirs and therefore, be wise to use them as stepping stones. Just like 5-minutes hack videos, this will make your life simpler, easier, and your dreams sour.
First things first, spot a position that suits your dreams and catches your fancy. Do not be intimidated, even if you know you’re incapable and not fit for the post, still go for it. Always remember, these are stepping stones, never allow people or emotions to make you feel less worthy. When you know you can’t even be prudent in your own personal dealings, it doesn’t deter you from being the treasurer. Even if you can’t hold meaningful conversations or make simple decisions about yourself and others, still obtain the form for the post of president. You can’t write simple sentences or keep track of things, still go for the post of secretary. Always remember, regardless of what people think or what really is, do anything that catches your fancy.
Now the form is secured, you need to up your dressing game. If you’re the type that wears shorts and round tee-shirts, check up on how to ace your appareling in no time. Dress beautifully with mesmerizing body spray or perfumes. This is a one-hit thing. You just imagine the election day when students don’t know who to vote for and your friends can say vote for that girl/guy that smells nice, he/she is capable. Make sure you use a perfume that lasts long like the proverbial ‘first impression’. That right there is a great game-changer. Your dressing should show who you want to be.
Third things third, make them notice you through your greetings. As a politrickian with dreams, you have to get everyone to your side and make them know the mantle is coming to you or going to Hades. When you see the student-electorate coming, hold their eyes and give them a full-teeth smile; when they get near you, shake their hands and call them Boss or *Agba*. We both know you’re the boss but make them feel light-headed, intoxicated with your humility, and know that you’re the man for the job. For the ones you might not want to refer to as boss, compliment them about something. Even if they look shabby, scrutinize them and get something to compliment. That would make them love you and think you’re so sweet. Check!, The seat is secured.
In attacking the minds that think they know, be a part of all activities going on in your department/faculty. Now is the time to show your selfishness… I mean selflessness and altruistic nature. Show them you can serve. Deceive them into thinking you’re the next Mother Theresa. Help them organize events, run around and show your value of servitude. The departmental/faculty week is a good time to be in all their faces. Usher during the personality lecture, cook on the cultural day, help them share food on events. Do all sorts of things to make them know you’re a better person, an excellent candidate! That would shoot your volunteering and leadership skills into the sky. Also, on social media groups, be fast to help and reply to messages; when doing this, remember to be in their faces. For instance, if a student inquires about the location for a class, your reply should be in this format – F202/203 Ojelu cares or RM 36 Ojelu for ASSESA House secretary.
Fifth things fifth, Have mind-blowing plans. Your plans should intimidate the Vice Chancellor of the school, if possible. Even if these are plans you cannot achieve in your one-year tenure, it doesn’t matter. Write them there. If you think changing the location of the lecturers’ office would appeal to the students, don’t hesitate to write it out. The seat of power is the target and all barking dogs to the road of success should be ignored. During the press night, the pressmen might say your plans are not feasible. Don’t mind them. They are just a bunch of haters. They should know that what is visible on paper is feasible in reality, but they don’t teach that in journalism schools. UI is stressing you already, don’t take nonsense from them. If you feel they’re stressing you too much, ask them if they want to be in your shoes or have an idea how leadership can be really exhausting. If e easy make them do am! Being a leader is not a day’s job. It’s a long walk that you’re willing to take and you surely deserve some accolades not scrutiny.
On the election day, make sure you have strategic people at strategic places canvassing for you and telling people to vote for you. Remind them of the roles you played during the students’ week and they shouldn’t be ungrateful. Who cares if campaigning ends 24 hours before the election day? Winning is what you need and winning, you will get. Be focused and achieve it against all odds.
Contesting unopposed is not always rigorous, so you should take the ideas that suit your being and work with them. At least, you’re doing them a favour by showing interest to be their leader, lily-livered beings. If you have an opponent, you have to follow all these to the latter. May we not be put to shame, you must win and win you must. You’re a burn-ruler and you will rule them. When you finally win the election, remember to change to your old self, be classy, cocky, very principled, and inaccessible. They should call it rudeness, pride and say you are deceitful. Never mind them, this is just a stepping stone and you’re focused on the bigger picture- achieving your dreams.
