TWO SIDES OF A RELATIONSHIP COIN

By Tejuoso Olamide

A WOMAN’S LOVE IS TO BE CHERISHED

After series of morning calls, noon picnics,
evening strolls and dinners; I couldn’t
believe this relationship had ended like a
whisper of smoke. Some of my female
colleagues said I was even lucky he
respected me enough to tell me it was over.
It was new year eve and this was his
wonderful resolution – to break up. I cried-
walked for days, losing taste of food and
moping under the burden enthroned in my
heart. My throat shrunk and lengthened,
that my mom thought I was sick. Well, you
could say I was love-sick.

Days passed, witnessing my unending tears
and prayers, vainly wishing the whole cause
would turn out to be a joke. Oh, young love;
so crazy, so sweet. I loved him so much
but he seemingly couldn’t see it.

A week later, my loneliness was getting
unbearable and I needed a companion. I
longed for a gentle heart to talk to, so I
sought out for him. He wouldn’t even pick
my calls again. Was he not the same guy
who told me he wouldn’t live a day without
me? Men and their lips, I thought, smacking
my lips to prevent tears. Didn’t he promise
me an undying love? How attached I was to
those words… Ah, I was but a fool to have
believed him. I felt neglected, rejected,
unwanted, dumped like a bag of decayed
potatoes, broken and mashed up. I was
helpless to my weakness.

So…so, one evening, after several months of
mourning my lost love, I shook off the
sadness, dressed up and took a long walk
down the street; proclaiming and repeating
to the wind – ” Damn any man that comes
my way ”
* * *
Wait, wait… Don’t swipe at your eyes yet,
nor pity yourself. Maybe you’ve been a
victim of such circumstance. You thought
he had real feelings for you only to discover
his charm and sweet talks were beautiful
advancing arrows meant to later pierce
you.

Take heed before you lose it completely, it’s
high time you realized you needed to heal.
Take it, you needn’t suffer or die for anyone
that has played a fling of your genuine
feelings. It is understandable that it might
prove difficult to ignore the wound after
being bruised by the one you cherished, but
lashing every other suitor with the whip
weaved out of your painful past is not the
way out, neither is it a way forward. Indeed,
you felt bad, making you tune your mind to
believe that all men imbibe the same spirit;
trust me, there are still guys, I mean men of
concrete integrity.

The Yoruba will say, ” Ta baa diju keeyan
buruku koja, Eni ree a lo”- (If you close your
eyes for the Wicked to pass by, the Good
will pass unseen). Now you’re being
extremely apprehensive, refusing to confide
in anyone, but do know that you might lose
good friends in the process of getting your
pieces pieced. Honestly, it’s harder than
what you expected and that’s because it’s
a heart matter.

First things first, if your relationship never
worked out, then believe it was never meant
to be. See that jilt as an avenue for a better
person that’ll appreciate your worth to take
the mantle. A woman’s love is meant to be
treated with utmost respect and care like an
egg. This has nothing to do with being ‘the
weaker vessel’. So men, you’d better be
careful with your ‘brave utterances’. Do not
at anytime nor for any reason treat women
with contempt, else she results into
something nasty at your detriment or even
hers. If you’re sure you love a woman,
ensure you show it whole-heartedly. Hades
possesses no fury like a scorned woman.

Finally, before launching into an intimate
relationship with someone, be sure
convinced that your partner feels the same
way as you do. Conviction breeds trust. The
absence of assurance gives a ventilated
atmosphere to trust issues, hence the need
to confirm that you’re on same page.
And to our gentlemen, when a woman loves,
in most cases it’s for real. So never lead
her on to bear her emotions at your mercy
when you’re not ready reciprocate it.
Meanwhile ladies, beware of actions that
may interfere with the present to trigger
regrets that can permanently dent the
future.

Stay lovely in love!

A MAN’S LOVE IS TO BE CHERISHED

“I don’t want to do this anymore; I’ve found
happiness elsewhere. I’m sorry Peter; it
can’t just work with us. I know you’d do
anything for our love to stay, but my
feelings for you are no more…”
It took the creaking door caused by the
breeze to jolt me to reality that I was the
broken hearted. I gazed back at the phone
clasped by my trembling fingers and read
the text message over and over again,
wishing its bitter contents could pass over
me. It was over between us. The message
was explicit enough. Unable to bolt my
convulsing emotions, I broke down in tears…
Tola and I acquainted so well during our
university days, and as fate would have it,
we were posted as youth corps to serve in
the same state and unbelievably to work in
the same company. Thereafter, I soon
discovered we both wanted more out of our
friendship, so I pushed it. It didn’t take long
to get a ‘Yes’ from her after popping the big
question.

I was head over heels in love with her that I
never wanted her out of my sight. And that
was the beginning of this end I never
envisaged.

We would talk for hours after work, even
overnight till we both fell asleep. Her love
for me despite her seldom confession of it
was far beyond doubts. She could hardly
hide her jealousy whenever I mentioned
other girls. She was so protective of me as I
was of her. I loved her to the extent of
tending to develop insomnia if I didn’t see
her in a day.

After some time, her eyes began to lose
those sparks that usually cracked anytime
she saw me. She would ignore my chats
and later apologize, giving excuses of being
busy or sleeping off.

It was going to be our third year together
last December, so I called to ask her out for
Christmas shopping. She didn’t pick my
calls, making me become worried. After
series of calls meeting dead ends, I left her
a voice mail, asking her to call me back on
receiving it. Being a good girl that she was,
she did call back and was all ‘sorry’ and
‘sorry’ over the phone. She even told me
she loved me. And I forgave her.

While at work the following week, I got all
jumpy and depressed. Bad combo, right? It
was Christmas eve, but my Tola had
travelled home to her parents for the
festivity. I arrived home that evening only to
receive that cruel text message.

My heart was torn; I never cheated on her,
no! I couldn’t decipher where I went wrong;
Tola just nailed my emotions to a stake of
torment…

We had nursed plans of a potential family
together, even naming our unborn children.
Memories of moments we used to talk
about how we would celebrate our 50th
anniversary together with our large family
hovered and faded away like smoke from a
cigarette;

I tried to save us, motivating myself and
went to her parents, begging and pleading
that she came back to me, but it was a
woeful attempt…
Even now that I’ve decided to move on, I
doubt I’ll ever hand a woman full trust
again…
* *
*
Well…well…well, to start with, that was a
narrative well related, but mind you, it could
be someone’s story. After surfing the
internet and extracted people’s opinions
about my other article, ‘A woman’s love is
to be Treasured’, I realised men also get
hurt in relationships. Although, most of
them might hide behind the toughness of
masculinity about the aftermath of heart
breaks and jilts, it’s not too easy for them
too.

I once thought ‘big boys’ don’t cry,
however I have seen men shed tears
relaying their past experiences as regards
heart matters.

Now dear Peter, wherever you are, please
note that NOT ‘all women are the same’.
Some of us could be selfish and indecisive
anyway, but still, these doesn’t make us
birds of a feather, if I may say. You might
have been blackmailed or made look foolish
by love; I understand. Surely, it hurts like
hell to be rejected, by a lady. As I stated in
the other article, first things first; if your
relationship never worked, trust me, it was
never meant to be. Don’t try forcing it or
even beg your way for love. Be a Man!
Oh, did you just say she made you feel less
handsome or wanted? The Bible recorded
Jesus facing more scorn, yet that never
made him less the good man He was. So,
brace up your heart, not being ‘too careful’,
but of course guarding your heart diligently
to avoid ending up with another heart
breaker, yet applying a great deal of wisdom
and seeking the Creator’s guidance.
Depression, nurturing suicidal thoughts,
ranting or drunkenness will only inflict more
pain on the existing woes, dear lover. Just
do the right things. Take a bold step by
genuinely dealing with your fears, discard
your past and live life. There you are! The
best moments are before you…

Lest I forget, dear ladies, never take a
man’s love for granted. If he says and
shows he loves you and you’re utterly
convinced and available, why not respect
his love and cherish it or politely turn him
down if you’re uninterested, instead of
toying with his sensitivities.

Happy Valentine!

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