A SATIRE
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYONE, DEAD, HALF-DEAD OR ALIVE, IS A MIRACLE. ALL INCIDENTS, YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW ARE STRICTLY FICTIONAL, AND PERHAPS, A PROPHETIC COINCIDENCE!
INSIDE DUMMY FACTORY…VERIFIED VERITIES!
(At the central cab-park, the regular chants of Kuti, Bello, Sik fill the air. Diverse persons, diverse destinies were waiting to board cabs going to their destinations…the newly-elected president of the squanderers’ union, Hunter is among the waiting crowd. Drivers and students alike hail him)
“haa, Hunter, kuorire o, well done, we love you, we cannot forget the roles you played as member of the kabu-kabu committee”
‘haba, Baba, it was service to humanity you know’
“‘Pressy, are you not going to your dormitory? Mr.Kasali, let him join your cab, e see daadaa o”’
IN THE CAB
“E joor, e sanwo o, pay before you get to your bus-stop o”
“‘Take, for two persons, awameji”’
“broda, you nko, pay now”
‘ haa, baba, don’t you know me, I be hunter o’
“Hunter koo, vigilante nii, payjor”
‘haa baba, do you think it is easy to win an election, do you know what I did. That head of pastors, do you know what we did to him? Do you think it is easy to bobo over 2000 students?’
“‘yeeee old boy, we don enter one chance o, na to go REDEMPTION camp go dey pray for HOPE ni o”’
(At Hindi hall, Cope, BJ and some other members of the noisemaking carampein team deliberate on the outcome of the election…The hall anthem goes on in the background: atigbat’alayetidaye, ko’somo Hindi to’soriburuku, atigbat’alayetidaye o…)
“ermm cope, don’t worry o, don’t worry rara, before they go to Warri and celebrate, our petition will be at the appropriate quarters”
‘oloshiniawonsmelloswonyen, it is not their fault sha, if not for that bastard of hindi hall, if he had stepped down…I doubt if he did not receive money from those omo mummies, can’t you see that he had only one mission: to divide the votes?’
“‘ guys, those ladies at our backyard nko, despite the letters that Cope wrote on their behalf, they didn’t do enough!”’
““that was how Arrow was telling me to let go that shebi we will become keyholders like e-knok, nasels worldwide…””
‘just relax, those Ayoucsf will hear it by the time BJ finishes with them on that facebook group’
“even if nothing comes out of the petition, we sha go do initial gragra for them, them go hear am”
‘Don’t worry, Cope, this is not ’93 and you are not MKO, our agenda will not die’
(Inside the Asshole rock of the Squanderers’ Union, President OmoobaBlakberi and other exekuthieves are in a meeting…The etisalah people are also having their noise-making session around there; they play popular hiphop tunes to liven up the place: “ alowoa’lenu a de moyan o, a n jayeoriwaa, ko de k’anyan o…” “…from UK to South-Africa, ko de kan aye, e maa lo foseyiimi o, if you lose election, e no concern me o o o”)
“President, who gave the etisalahpeople access to the square for this nonsense use?”
‘exactly, it is uncalled for, we were not carried along, it is unacceptable , as the mitochondria, i won’t take it, it sankotantis’
‘’’what is this one saying now, sankotantiskoo, sankoTimbuktunii…President jor, well done sir, e kuise. Our people cannot say we ve done well o, it is glaring they ate cow, didn’t they? we did a lot and every worker deserves his wages”
““ yesjare, awononiyeye, that was how they wanted to disgrace their forefathers at the manibobo night, awonomo ale gbogbo. HOPE they have been coming for those books. They better take their share of the cake before we pack am finish””
‘ ermm, who owns the Nissan Altima that is outside, we get visitor?’
““ Osika, tie da, bad belle, where your own? Na me get am o, forget the nonsense grammar wey you dey always blow o, unionism na money ritual, make hunter self no gock am. Sharp guy, not like that Panasonic Cope guy, imsabi as e dey go””
LIKE A MOLUE, STORIES JOURNEY, HAVING NO START POINT OR A PERMANENT BUS-STOP…THE NARRATIVES NEVER END!
READERS’ DISCRETION IS SEVERELY ADVISED!
