By Debbiemuse
An advertisement for the exhausted, the overwhelmed and those who have become experts at carrying more than they let on.
WANTED URGENTLY: One ordinary day
Must be free from academic deadlines, financial calculations, unsolicited comparisons, and the persistent expectation to have one’s life figured out before graduation.
The successful applicant must allow its user to wake up without immediately remembering an unfinished assignment, an unpaid bill, an examination around the corner or a future approaching faster than the money required to prepare for it.
Must include at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, three affordable meals and the rare privilege of doing absolutely nothing without guilt.
Interested applicants should apply immediately. No experience required. No certificates needed. Age, level of study, CGPA and extracurricular involvement are immaterial.
Please note: this is not a call for laziness. It is a desperate request from someone productive for so long that they have forgotten what it feels like to exist without a task waiting.
JOB DESCRIPTION
The successful day will be expected to accommodate a university student’s many responsibilities without demanding anything in return.
It must understand that a student can attend lectures, submit assignments, take part in departmental activities, maintain friendships, pursue personal ambitions and still have absolutely no idea what they are doing with their life. It must understand that a student can be grateful for an opportunity and exhausted by the demands that come with it.
Above all, it must not ask the user to explain why they are tired. The user has already explained; repeatedly, usually to themselves, at inconvenient hours of the night.
QUALIFICATIONS AND EXPERIENCE
Applicants must be familiar with the Nigerian university experience.
Experience in stretching a small allowance across an unreasonable number of days will be an advantage. Knowledge of how to survive lectures on an empty stomach, smile through financial embarrassment and calculate the consequences of missing a single continuous assessment is desirable.
The ideal candidate should also understand the peculiar exhaustion of watching one’s mates announce scholarships, internships, awards and exciting opportunities while privately wondering whether one is doing enough. It should be able to tell healthy ambition apart from the quiet desperation of believing that falling behind everyone else would be a personal failure.
No questions about why the user has not secured an internship, started a business, learnt a new skill, volunteered with three organisations or updated their CV this week will be entertained.
The successful applicant must recognise that human beings are not departmental projects with deadlines for completion.
REMUNERATION AND BENEFITS
The position offers no salary, but the benefits are considerable.
The user may eat without calculating the cost of their next meal. They may sleep without mentally rehearsing tomorrow’s responsibilities. They may laugh without feeling obliged to explain why they have been quiet lately. They may decline an invitation without composing a three-paragraph apology. They may spend an afternoon alone without being accused of pride, withdrawal, or suddenly developing an attitude.
They may have a bad day without turning it into a motivational lesson.
Most importantly, they may be ordinary. No extraordinary achievement will be required to justify their existence for the duration of this appointment.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
Applicants should be advised that this vacancy exists in a society where exhaustion is often mistaken for dedication.
Here, the student who sleeps for three hours to finish an assignment is praised for commitment. The student who works through illness is admired for resilience. The student who accepts every responsibility is described as dependable. Meanwhile, the one who admits to being overwhelmed may be told to toughen up.
There is always another reason to postpone rest. The examination is next week. The election is approaching. The organisation needs volunteers. The family needs assistance. The money is not enough. The future will not wait.
And so the student keeps going. They become experts at turning exhaustion into jokes, disappointment into indifference and uncertainty into carefully worded assurances that everything is under control. They learn to answer, “How are you?” with “I’m fine,” before the questioner has finished asking.
Eventually, even they may begin to believe that asking for help is an admission of failure.
This advertisement strongly discourages that interpretation.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Can I apply if I am doing well academically?
Yes. A good result is not immunity.
What if I am the person everyone depends on?
You are still eligible. Being dependable does not mean being endlessly available.
Must I wait until I break down before applying?
Absolutely not. Applications are accepted well before the crisis.
What if I cannot afford a day off?
The management acknowledges that rest is not equally distributed. Some applicants have jobs, caregiving duties and bills that do not pause for self-care. This is not a personal failure. Where a full day is impossible, an hour will be considered.
Is this vacancy open to those who cannot explain what they are feeling?
Yes. Perfect words are not required. A listening ear is.
A FINAL NOTICE TO ALL APPLICANTS
The management regrets to announce that one ordinary day cannot resolve every problem listed in this advertisement.
A calendar cannot cancel every deadline. A nap cannot settle every bill. And a motivational quote cannot quiet a mind that needs more than encouragement.
What this vacancy truly seeks is a world where admitting to exhaustion does not invite ridicule, asking for help is not mistaken for weakness, and saying “I am not doing well” does not make a student seem less ambitious. Until then, applicants may have to settle for a friend who notices the silence behind the laughter and stays long enough to listen.
Until such a world exists, begin where you are. Speak to someone. Seek professional support when necessary. Take the rest that is possible, even when life insists there is more to do. Not every burden can be put down at once, but none should have to be carried in silence.
As World Mental Health Day is observed on 10 October, the management reminds all applicants that well-being was never meant to wait until everything else is finished. There will always be another assignment, another examination and another expectation. The mind, however, is not an inexhaustible resource.
APPLICATION STATUS: OPEN
Position: Human being, temporarily relieved of the obligation to be extraordinary.
Duration: One day at a time.
To apply: Present yourself as you are. No explanation for your exhaustion necessary.
This advertisement is addressed to everyone whose minds have been working overtime, even when the rest of the world assumes they have everything under control.
Editor’s Note: This is a piece from the UCJ Creative desk in commensuration of the World Mental Health Day
