By Olaiwola Faih Adedolapo
You were asleep. Your imaginations were faded. You knew it all; you watched them play in front of you. You were unconscious in your dreams while you danced around the living room with your admission letter in your hands. You were probably not told the truth or you thought of them in the wrong direction. You saw yourself shine like you have always done with everyone right behind you. They called your name and sang about who you are. But you never asked yourself: ‘who exactly am I?’
And when you came, you were enticed. But your first visit was not when you came to rule your world. You had come to ask in defence of it. You had heard from the most recent that their journey was the most peaceful and enduring. You saw yourself also walk through that river. It flowed and sang your name. You were in the moment you wanted to and became another as soon as you changed. You walked in with confidence and came back with doubts.
And when you saw your result, you smiled. But they were not exactly the ones that you wished for but then, you had hope. And your hope was not wasted; they were rather made productive by legs and admirable smile. You finally made it to the very last list; you knelt in front of the congregation to declare the Lord’s love for you. You described how much of a sinner you were and how he picked you amidst thousands of men. What manner of love is this?
And when you begin to pack, you struggled to pay attention to mother’s saying. She repeated the story of Adaeze who also left for the new world but allowed its river to move her away from it. She also told you of Adebayo who led a protest and was chased by the guardians of that world. But you were bold; you could withstand anything. You smiled as you continued to pack.
And when you arrived at the new world, you watched as your dad drove down the road towards the home of Queens. Everywhere looked green. ‘I will be fruitful here’, you whispered. Your father packed opposite the gate and wondered on how soon you were due to transform. Your mother prayed earnestly in Yoruba right in front of the car. She prayed against the witches in your father’s family, and demonic on-lookers. When she prayed against any of your friends who might distract you from the ways of the Lord, you thought of Sade and Bisi, your secondary school friends who were yet to gain admission into any university. You would not allow their bad luck to affect you. You had to show them that you were better than them.
And when you realized that you had to go through many other registrations after the previous ones, you knew that you were in for it. You counted each night and began a countdown to GES. You grew thin and looked sick. You could feel each heartbeat and react to its harshness. You ate more from various canteens and became broke every week. The waiters in Lord Tedder were your friends. Your presence brought in a lifting of the soul. They knew when you would come, what you would love to eat and the quantity.
And when you mother came, she brought along homemade stew and pounded yam. She complained bitterly against the management on how and why they would develop students intellectually in an unpleasant environment or the students. You joined her in the discussion until one of your lecturers came.
And when he stared at you, you bled for nothing. You were not up to age but the small young black lecturer would not let go. He would never allow me to all into the wicked hands of the seniors. I was invited to the prominent ones: movie night, musical concert and main road in check or I.D.
And when you rejected and gave your reason that your daddy would be disappointed that you had lost it to the devil, he laughed and called you a baby girl. He told you of how your father and mother got hooked up in their marriage. They had gone for a friends’ bachelors’ night. Mother got drunk in an hour while father was a little about being tipsy. You covered your face with shame. You wanted him to stop. You knew his strategy and did not wish to give in.
And then he continued. He told you about how much your parents were great flirts still they publicly announced their engagement. You walked away. ‘Useless man’, you spat. And when next you saw him, you would pass the other side or run to the toilet still he left. Then you began to receive call. They were your parent’s.
And you became shocked when they registered their disappointment about you. They told you to face your studies or they would change toward you. You were confused to the point of not being able to defend yourself. For the first time you cried. You did not need to ask or who told them so much lies about you. You entered your bedspread and groaned silently in pain. Your roomies thought you were fast asleep.
And when your allowances were either too late to come or not coming at all, you knew you had crossed the boundary line. You thought of the number of girlfriends he had and was still willing to have her. ‘How unlucky I am’, she said to herself. Your father called less each passing day while your mother could not believe she had born you. You tried to explain to them what their friend wanted from you. They called you a liar. They told you about how good he was to them through their numerous trying times. You meet Oyinda.
Oyinda was an education student. She hardly went to class nor cared about her CPGA. ‘They are thrash’, she said. ‘You only need to have a proof that you went to school’. You never spoke to her since your hundred level days. She led her girls group while you shared your godly tales. You needed money; she needed you to expand her business. You were willing to do whatever you could to bring down that beast.
And when you were not the only child; it did not matter to you again. You are the master of your decision. You went out with Oyinda. They first night, it was pained. You could not go out for over a week but it was worth it. Oyinda had only taken her share of twenty percent from each round. It paid on subsequent days. You became addicted.
And when papa finally called and said that it was a test which you passed. You could not believe your eyes. A test! He sent your allowance including the ones he should have sent during your days of being tested. He and your mother apologized and told you to stay away from bad companies. They said that they trusted you and are proud to have you as a daughter. You were happy.
And when you tried to stay away from Oyinda, you knew that you were stuck. She was not based in the home of Queens. The princess quarter was her home but she would always find her way to into your hostel. She followed you everywhere and described how much you needed to come back to her. You refused. You kept it behind your mind until one day; you felt strong on the inside and ran back to her. You ran.
And then you realised that you could not live without it. It became a part of you. It was you. You envied Oyinda and wanted to be like her. You began to form your own group. You cared less and less about school. You grew faster than when you were with Oyinda, you could not wait. Every morning, you would say, ‘business is good’. But you could really not describe what you called business.
And when you became ill, you were in your final year. At first, you thought little of it until you looked so miserable. One night, you developed fever and were rushed to the university clinic. You had the virus. You cried. You stopped.
You went back to you dad’s friend and took along with you a peace offering. Thereafter he forgot who you are and took you in. You let him. He left for the other girls and his wife. You still did not stop. You met your friends as well as Oyinda’s dad. And when you heard that your virus had spread, you smiled. It happened while you were asleep.
