This Animal called ‘BAT’

BY: Olajide Oladokun

Disclaimer: This piece is all but the imagination of an unserious mind and should not be taken seriously. On second thought, maybe it should.  However, any similarity with people you know, either dead, half dead, or alive is a result of your daydreaming, wake up! 

Just like every other kid out there, I had my fair share of naivety while growing up. I thought the moon followed me at night,  I believed fairytales were real, I thought Father Christmas existed. Most of all, I believed in superheroes and dreamt of becoming one myself someday. I admired the Amazing Spider Man, Fantastic Four, and Wonder Woman but my favourite of all time was Batman. Batman is an iconic character committed to a single course; fighting crime in the neighborhood. With Batman in town, citizens can sleep with their two eyes closed. Batman stirred up my interest for bats but my knowledge of these creatures was limited to what was portrayed on the screen and all I knew was that bats are nocturnal animals. I was satisfied with that singular knowledge until recently when a BAT decided to rule the kingdom I’ve lived all my life, so I decided to learn more about bats. 

The first discovery I made was that bats are not birds. It was proven scientifically that they are mammals. Bats don’t lay eggs as birds do, they give birth to their young ones alive and breastfeed them. Bats are the only mammals that can truly fly. Bats feed on insects, fruits, nectar, and other animals. But, there is a particular specie of bats that feed on blood – Vampire BAT. While bats have some economic importance, they are also carriers of pathogens, such as rabies. In other words, it is unsafe for humans to come in contact with them. Bats symbolize different things, depending on the culture of the people. Some people believe bats can protect one from untimely death, risks and diseases, but in the West, where my kingdom is located, bats symbolize darkness, malevolence, witchcraft, bad omen, and death.

Just like I’ve always assumed bats are birds, many people assume that BAT is a true son of the soil whose ownership and governance he had claimed donkey years ago. But history has proven that he originated from the Land of Virtue. BAT, who once ruled the land for eight years, who also achieved many notable feats became obsessed with power. He made himself a kingmaker, installing and supporting whoever dances to his tune, and dethroning whoever will not pitch their tents with him. This animal called BAT has been ruling by proxy since the expiration of his legitimate tenure and has successfully built an empire for himself, little wonder many call him godfather; Praise singers hail him as the ‘Big Masquerade’

Like many of his counterparts, the C in his name stands for corruption. In 2007, he was indicted for operating 16 foreign accounts. Bullion vans are a common sight in his household; he is fond of keeping money anywhere he likes. He owns numerous companies home and abroad and even has a percentage in the state’s internal revenue. The H in his name stands for hooliganism. Of course he needs people to carry out dirty jobs for him, right? Recently a new office was created by the government of the mega city to be headed by a popular hooligan who has proven himself a useful vessel to BAT. And we all know the governor acts according to the dictates of the puppeteer. Recently, the puppet has abandoned his territory to become an errand boy for his master.

History will never forget that bloods of innocent protesters were shed at BAT’s backyard two years ago. As expected, he feigned ignorance and sympathized with the victim, but we all know vampire BATS thrive on blood. According to him, rubber bullets should have been fired instead of live ones.

Recently, BAT acted the godfather script when we least expected. While his  victory was anticipated by the realistic clans of the kingdom, the irrational ones were hopeful the tide would turn in favour of a man who’ll perform better on the pulpit than in power. Both parties were however shocked at the manner BAT won the victory. Truly only a godfather could pull that stunt, and it further proved how deep the BAT legacy is.

Now with one more hurdle to cross, one more height to attain, one more victory to be won, this animal called BAT is very desperate and is willing to fight dirty to claim his supposed rightful throne. Seems he wants to add the most sought after title to his list of medals so he can join his ancestors as a happy man. However, the youthful members of the kingdom do not want to grant old BAT his life-long wish, they are hell-bent on being obedient to a supposed messiah from the East, they are planning a great march against BAT and his kingship. The battle line has been drawn and I know you’re eager, just like me, to see who will emerge victorious: the younglings or this political animal called BAT.

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