-POISON IVY
1. DO NOT BUY OR WEAR SHOES IF YOU CANNOT WALK IN THEM
On Sunday, a woman in church was hobbling to the altar like a baby goat just learning to walk. Don’t buy heels you can’t walk in. It doesn’t matter if they’re “sooooo cute” and they “go with your outfit!” It does not! That adorable outfit you so painstakingly put together is ruined by the image of you shuffling and whining on mincing, painful feet. It would be way cuter if you were wearing shoes you felt comfortable in. The Celebrities you try so hard to imitate, don’t WALK that much. They take private cars. They’re not like you, out there hobbling down the streets. High heels are pleasures with pain, if you can’t walk with them don’t wear them.
- DO NOT WEAR LEGGINGS AS PANTS OR TIGHT
There’s nothing wrong with leggings per se. But let’s get one thing straight: Leggings are not pants. I repeat: Not pants. If you’re wearing leggings, we shouldn’t be able to see your behind, not when you’re standing up straight and not when you’re bending over, either. Leggings are meant to be worn with a long top or long shirt to ensure your fanny and hips are covered. Leggings are not to be worn as tights under dresses. To recap: leggings are not pants or tights.
- DO NOT SHOW OFF CLEVAGE, BRASTRAP AND OTHER RELATED TRAGEDIES
For the love of all things, PLEASE do not let any part of your bra be visible. This includes exposed bra straps when wearing sleeveless tops or dresses, as well as bras that are visible through sheer blouses. Please, Just Don’t Do It. Also, if you’re wearing a shirt with a cut 6 inches lower than it should be, the camisole should be one of your best friends. This is not the Grammy’s and you are not Beyoncé. So lock it up
- AVOID BIG AND THICK EYEBROWS
Before we get going, a word from Wikipedia “the eyebrow is an area of thick, delicate hairs above the eye that follows the shape of the lower margin of the brow ridges of some mammals”- not today it isn’t. These days, eyebrows look like they have been sponsored by Nike. Most times they overtake the whole face. With brows like the above, you look perpetually surprised. Thick brows are trendy but they aren’t fit for all face shapes. It’s Funny how we can screw up fuzzy little things of God’s creation simply because we follow the trend of big brows.
- DO NOT CHOOSE THE WRONG HAIR COLOUR
Wearing red hair is a mega trend. I know how tempting it can be to go red, but some people prove it is not a one-shade-fits-all kind of colour. The hair colour for your skin tone should not be based on a wimp or trend. If you are dark like Alek Wek or Akon dark, then you are going to look like a HOT MESS on red weave. It is less about the hair colour you like and more about the colour your skin likes except you want to look washed-out, tacky, tired, unnatural and older!
