They met as strangers, acted as antagonists, thought like foes, nagged over issues, pretended to be in love, got married even with their imperfections not yet perfected, they believed marriage is a miracle worker that will change a devil to an angel and make a serpent a rod of change. We have to come out of this dream land where fantasies seem not to end.
Book a seat on this FLIGHT of discoveries to learn about the HARVESTERS WHO NEVER SOWED.
Just as every relationship that had no Proper planning was dismantled, Ibrahim Gafar’s 18 year relationship also hit the rocks. Despite the fact that he and Aishat Moahammed loved each other, they could not boycott the medical incompatibility which stopped their solemnization. They tried as much as they could, but had no way of getting over the complex problem.They knew that if they got married, they were putting their future wards in peril of ill health, so they dared not dabble into it, although, putting off the furnace of the nurtured 18year LOVE was a very intricate task. However, they had no choice but to part ways. Yet after the dissolution of the union, these lovebirds found it intolerable to continue life without checking on each other, even when they tried keeping apart, they got much closer. Ibrahim went as far as trying to live a new life, when he knew such a mirage won’t last till eternity. He got himself a new partner, but it was like taking a placebo instead of paracetamol, which is the best solution to headache. He married the new lady out of pity, he never loved her but thought in due time, Aisha’s love will wax old, it grew stronger instead. The more he compared them, the more he preferred Aishat, his ex. He became confused about his marital journey, at a point he wanted to close his eyes to their dissimilarity but he found it excruciating to venture into.He kept on seeing Aishat,chatting and going on dates with her, despite his marital status. Ibrahim Gafar had gotten married to Mariam Sulaimon, the lady he loved immediately it was obvious he can’t marry Aishat,but he seemed not to appreciate the light in complexion, fat, smart but unemployed graduate anymore. He was still emotionally attached to his ex, Aishat, the slim, dark in complexion Angel, who had chosen not to marry anyone since she couldn’t get Ibrahim, the only person she loved all her life. Yet, Ibrahim happened to be married, but living single. He hardly enjoyed Mariam’s company; her foods were just like poison to him, he hardly touched anything she touched, except when it was sex time. One will hardly believe they were not matched made because it was as if she forced herself on him. The more she tried the worse the affair became. She had visited all the spiritual fathers she knew, but Aishat, his ex, was like opium to him. He chatted with her from morning to dusk; he made calls, and even took her to special functions as his legal wife. Mariam at a point wanted to quit the union, but what she felt at her end, made it difficult to lose a man she is legally married to, how to go back home with a failed marriage was always also a source of concern, the mockery of neighbors didn’t even move her, but losing him to her was the dreaded thing she prayed would never come to pass. At a point she put in for exercise, thinking that, may be because she was fat that was why she looked repulsive and vile to him, she achieved that, she lost weight and became slim, unfortunately she became pregnant and of course returned to her normal size, she became the humpty dumpty she had always been.
Sitting on the couch, the young sexy fat lady, cogitated on how they met, how he narrated his burden to her and how she foolishly fell in love with him even when he didn’t ask her out. Tears flowed from her lachrymal sac, she felt sorry abut her obsession with him. It wass late to reverse things, yet she had consulted her Mother in law, whose efforts didn’t bring back the hubby because to him, Mariam was a stranger, who he never satisfied, despite how much he tried,although out of a divided mind.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST HAS THESE TO SAY: When a person learns that their husband or wife does not love them anymore, they go crazy trying to find a fix for their problem. The same is applicable to STRANGERS who are in love with each other but don’t know how to change the status of their relationship, as it brings them face to face with the task involved. Maybe I need to hit the nail on the head, by informing you that A FRIEND CAN NOT take the place of A GIRL/BOYFRIEND, neither will a girl/boyfriend ever assume the position of a FIANCÉE/FIANCÉ and finally, you can’t compare the stance of a WIFE/HUSBAND to the aforementioned class of people because their roles are clearly defined with their status. But many don’t even grow beyond the level of Strangers not to talk of being acquaintances. They quarrel over little things, their jealousy level is beyond what the other party can manage, yet in all honesty, LOVE exists between them but to bepractical, LOVE alone cannot build a house of STABLE MARRIAGE.
To conclude, not every marriage with instability ends up in divorce, and divorce is not also the height of every marital instability, as some couples who don’t divorce are worse than those who have parted ways. In order not to marry a stranger, or be the stranger, get to know your partner, get along with him/her, develop modalities of handling things, REMEMBER, making a marriage work takes TIME. There are no short-cuts! You have to respect the process, know the steps and be willing to take them meticulously.Tolerance, endurance and ability to see things working out make you EFFICIENT AND EFECTIVE IN YOUR UNION. I wish you all the best life has to offer!
AS YOU GO THROUGH THE MARRIAGE JOURNEY, WE SHALL SEE NEXT WEEK, TILL THEN I REMAIN YOUR MARITAL PSYCHOLOGIST IN VIEW!
FATOMILOLA Ezekiel Adewale. (+2347066444111)
