By: William Olaleye
In a shocking twist, a battle that has been brewing for weeks, following the revelation of the US-tax-like fees the students were to pay for the 2024/25 academic session, was postponed by the defending empire as a result of poor soldier numbers from the student army.
That morning, May 17, the defending empire had sent out a notice of war, nine hours after the time the war umpire had instructed that it be sent out. In the notice, they dictated the terms of the battle, it’s location and the weapons to be used.
The battle was to take place at the SUB Foyer where it had always occurred in the past. It was set an hour and thirty minutes from when the notice was released, and student-soldiers were to come armed with their voice alone.
Despite the late notice and the incredibly close window for action, the student-soldiers commanders sprang to action, mobilizing their foot soldiers across halls and faculties daring them to fight.
Student-soldiers were slow in heeding the war summons and almost an hour past the scheduled period, there were hardly a 100 fighting men on ground.
But this was an important battle. It determined if the new recruits would stay on long enough to learn the art of war, or if the old soldiers would lose their place in the hallowed army.
So the commanders went out to call in more soldiers, while the vulture-like press observed and gave status reports to both parties.
Eventually, the foot soldiers exceeded 250 and things were looking up. But two hours and thirty-two minutes had elapsed at this time, and the chief commander of the defending empire could no longer sit still. So he grabbed his horn, and called students attention.
“Citizens of the student-country, I remain your leader,” he said. “There isn’t enough of you here to fight me. It would be bullying for me to take you on all at once as I am too strong for you.”
He therefore declared that he would postpone the war and summon the army again when he had prepared better to entertain them and to ensure that they were enough to fight him.
The battle umpires were incensed! “How dare he postpone a battle without our consent!” The foot soldiers raged in disappointment and anger! “Who was he to look down on the elite student-army?”
The umpire promised heavy sanctions, while the student army simmered in unconcealed rage. They had been one-upped by the empire, and now they had to do something about it.
And just like that, the battle of Armageddon was postponed, because the empire could not abide the poor soldier numbers at the Foyer.
The question remains, will the “Battle of the Foyer ever come to be?”
