By Hazel
I’m worried about Wunmi. She hasn’t been out of her room since the incident yesterday night. I’ve tried not to think about it all because I’m deeply ashamed. Not of Wunmi but of myself and my inadequacy as a father. I’m as useless to this family as air is to a dead man. Unlike many other families, my presence here does not matter for anything. I don’t bring a dime to the table, I have no job, I have no say on anything—I’m just another occupant in my wife’s house.
However, one thing I know I can try to do is to be there for my children. I want them to understand that I love them and that they can tell me anything. I want them to know I care. But with Tomi in the picture, how can that be possible? She has eyes like a CCTV camera and moves around the house like a vampire. I’m ashamed to call her my wife and the mother of my kids. In fact, I regret and I’m ashamed of many things.
I head to Wunmi’s room and knock on her door. She doesn’t respond and I knock again. I know how much she loves her privacy, I’ll never barge in on her. I knock for the fifth time and hearing Tomi’s voice scares me. “What?!” She yells from inside the room.
What’s she doing in there?
I go in and the sight on the bed causes me to lean on the door frame for support. Wunmi is sprawled out on the bed, her eyes wide open staring at the ceiling and this blackish liquid slipping from her mouth. Tomi has in her hand a piece of paper and is reading from it with a look of disgust on her face.
“What…what ha…happened?” I ask.
Tomi looks at me and for a moment I see pain in her eyes and very quickly, it disappears. “What does it look like? Your daughter has finally done her worst.”
The coldness of her words shock me and I leave the room immediately. Never in my forty five years has my heart beat this fast and never in those years has my heart hurt this much. I can’t explain how I feel with words. Maybe I’d be able to paint it because right now, I can feel, see and smell colours. I feel completely blue. My chest is red and hot with pain and anger. My eyes see only black and; I can taste grey and loss.
My mind goes back to last year when Wunmi failed her JAMB exam. Tomi had laughed her vampire laugh. “So you’ve successfully wasted my money, abi? No problem. You’re going to work and repay me.”
“She’s only fifteen, she can try again next year. The money for the form isn’t that expensive sef.” I begged.
“Why didn’t you pay for her since it’s cheap?” I shut my mouth after that.
A week later, Wunmi started working in one of her aunt’s restaurant, serving food and washing the dishes. That same week, her aunt reported to Tomi that Wunmi played too much with the men and she was becoming suspicious about some things. Tomi went there from her office, beat Wunmi in the presence of the customers and dragged her out by her ear.
After that, Wunmi withdrew into a shell, speaking only when she was spoken to, doing everything she was asked to do and trying hard to be the daughter her mother wanted to be. “Walk like a girl”, Tomi would say to her. “Is it because you have three brothers that you’re sitting like that?” “If you can’t cook, who will marry you?”
Derin was the only one Wunmi could still talk and laugh with freely. Whenever he was back for the holidays, I’d stand outside the door listening to their conversations and wish I could go in and join them. He called her his naughty rat and they’d talk for a long time. Then, Derin would suddenly dismiss her saying he had other things to do. She’d retreat to her room and I’d want to go and continue from where Derin stopped. But as always, I wouldn’t.
The one time I should have really done something was when Wunmi had this deep cut on her arm. She was bleeding profusely and we were really scared for her, Tomi inclusive. Derin rushed to get the car keys and was ready to drive her to the hospital but Tomi kept asking how she got injured. “That doesn’t matter now!” Derin and I chorused. Tomi finally let it go but said she had to change Wunmi’s shirt because it was soaked with blood.
We were by the car when we heard her scream. In the room, Wunmi was sobbing and had only her bra and skirt on. Her tummy, chest and upper arms were covered in scars and I couldn’t even look at her after a second. Our daughter was a cutter and we had not a single idea.
“Why did you do this to yourself Wunmi?” Tomi roared. “You’ve destroyed your skin for goodness sake! Who’s going to marry you? What am I going to do with you this girl?”
Her mother didn’t let us take her to the hospital anymore so, we treated the wound ourselves. She said she can’t let Wunmi disgrace her in front of people she knew. “Who knows, they may have to take off her clothes. What will I say when they ask me why my daughter cuts herself? Tell me, what am I supposed to say?”
I didn’t do anything then and even with what happened two days ago, I didn’t do anything. Wunmi told us that she and some of her secondary school friends were having a get-together and she’d have to stay over for two days. What were we even thinking when we let her go? Does Wunmi have any friends?
Yesterday, Tomi’s sister, Fola, called and said somebody she knows had seen Wunmi in Abeokuta. From what Derin and Wunmi told us, the get-together was at a house very close to their secondary school and the school was just two streets away. So, how did she get to Abeokuta?
Tomi didn’t even wait for us to sit and reason, she
picked up Fola from her house and the two of them drove to Abeokuta. Very late
at night, they got back with Wunmi. “Shebi
you can see the daughter God decided
to punish me with? Ask her what she was doing in Abeokuta. Do you know where I
saw her? I saw her with a man! Ask your daughter what she was doing with that
man…that…that drug addict. Ask her o.” Derin even tried to calm his
mother and aunt down while I stood in a corner like a security guard.
“Wunmi, what is wrong with you sef? Why are you so foolish? Why do you like to be so dramatic? Is it because of this your yeye beauty? Let me tell you something, beauty is vain. Beauty is nothing. In fact, Junior get me that scissors.”
I made a move then to try to stop Tomi but she was flaring up and uncontrollable. With the scissors, she cut off Wunmi’s shoulder-length hair and when she was done, the hair on my head was even more than that on Wunmi’s.
For a long time, the room was silent and you could feel the hate and anger exuding from everyone. Then Fola spoke up, “How are we sure she didn’t do anything with that man? This girl is not to be trusted oo.”
“Aunty Fola, what do you mean?” Derin asked. “Haven’t you guys done…?”
“Everyone except Fola and Wunmi, leave the room.” Tomi instructed. “Wunmi, take off your clothes.”
“Mummy what do you want to do?”
“Derin, get out now!”
He stormed out of the room and out of the house and I went into the kitchen to make dinner for everyone. I didn’t want to think about what they were going to do to Wunmi. I didn’t even want to know. Ignorance is my greatest weapon.
Now, I’m wondering what it is Wunmi drank and if she had brought it with her from Abeokuta. I’m wondering if she’s alive and needs to be taken to the hospital. I’m wondering if Tomi will let us take her this time. I’m wondering about these things because I don’t want to think that she’s dead. How am I going to live with myself knowing that I couldn’t do anything to save my only daughter and that I never stood up for her, not even once.
I do not see Derin coming until he’s in front of me. “Daddy, what’s wrong? Have you spoken to Wunmi today?” I shake my head, no. “Why are you na standing outside, let’s go in and check on her.”
I let him open the door and again I see my daughter lying lifeless on her bed. Derin jolts when he sees her. “What did you do to her?!” he asks his mother. She ignores him and places a call to someone. She’s still holding that piece of paper but now, she’s crying.
“Wunmi has finally done her worse,” she says to the person and I immediately know it’s Fola. “The girl just wants to disgrace me……O ti sun mi. I’m tired…….. No oo, that one is even small. She has drank poison……. Don’t I always say that she’s too dramatic….”
Derin walks up to her, takes the phone away and ends the call. “Are you being serious right now? You daughter is dead for goodness sake and can you even hear yourself?”
“She killed herself, Derin. It’s suicide, what does it have to do with me?” She’s cleaning the tears off her cheeks.
“It has everything to do with you! It may be suicide but you fucking killed her!”
“Please, please, please Derin. I’m not in the mood for all these.” She took back her phone and tore the paper in her hand to pieces. “What’s all these rubbish now? What am I going to tell people and how am I going to get her buried? After all the time and money I’ve wasted on this girl.” She hisses and leaves the room.
Derin drops to the floor, weeping and wailing. He’s shaking Wunmi’s body like she can wake up if he keeps it up. Her hair is tattered and uneven, a result of the hair cut her mother gave her last night. The scars are peeking out from her blouse and this time I really look at them. I know I’m crying because I can taste my tears already. Derin is muttering words and is still shaking her body. “I’m sorry”, “I won’t send you out of my room again”, “You can come and stay with me in school”, “I’ll always be here when you need me.”
He finally stops and settles on the floor. “I hate myself right now. I hate you, dad and I hate mummy even more.”
I sit beside him. “I know, I know. I hate myself too, more than you can imagine. And your mother? Ah God…” I shake my head and take a deep breath.
“See daddy, I’m going to kill that woman, I swear.”
Not if I kill her first.
Read the first part of the story here: http://www.ucjui.com/2020/09/11/i-wish-i-could-attend-my-funeral/
